The Simple Things

i haven't posted much here lately, sorry about that... i've been dealing with a cold that just saps the energy to get anything done. On a positive note i may have a diagnosis for my arm issues and it's not scary or life threatening (cause after 8 years with no idea whats wrong with me thats where my mind kept going).... it's not curable either but i can probably manage it now that i have an idea why it's happening... just gotta see the doctor to confirm.

but next week and the week after i'll be posting because thats when most of the shows i'm watching end.
so yeah expect to hear me ramble about: La corda D'oro ~blue sky~ (if i catch up), Black Bullet, Brynhildr into Darkness, One week friends, Kamigami no Asobi, Mekakucity actors and Yowapeda (if i catch up, i'm like... 5 episdoes behind)

Oh and i've been bad about doing written process work stuff cause i have the videos now... i'll try to remember to do both and i may retroactively do one for the other original pieces i mean (cause the fan arts are just self explanatory.... i'm excited for sailor moon)

But what i actually wanted to ramble about has more to do with being an artist then the art i make.

This slump has sucked, i have been drawing every day but i'm just not happy with anything. A lot of people call this Artist Block... which i don't believe in because i can draw... i'm just not happy. But whatever you call it there is one truth.... it's just a pain in the ass.

The trigger for this slump happened to be a few things.

cold/allergies: When i'm sick i'm grumpy about everything... i just want to curl up in bed but at the same time i don't wanna waste the day.... so yeah big pouty sniffly mess who can't think straight.

I made a picture i was super happy with: i like all my art (when i create it... not so much the following week) but occasionally you hit that one "this is special" piece that just works... and even months later i can look at and be proud.... and those are wonderful... but for me they can trigger a slump because if the next piece isn't as good or not meshing as well... i just don't feel like i'm improving... which makes me not finish pieces as much which causes me to feel like i'm stagnating and then i'm so deep in the slump i just need to do something.

for me those two pieces were Prison and Waiting. both mermaid pictures which part of me loves but the other part wants to get away from... but i just was so thrilled with out they turned out.... that everything after has made me feel inadequate.

The last thing that happened was that i drew something i really liked but i don't think i have the skill to finish it the way i want. "but how can you sketch something but then think you aren't skilled enough" no one is asking... well i can draw it just fine... but the colouring... and rendering... and the fact that i want to set it at night.... i'm just doubting myself which is the worst possible thing to ever do in regards to anything.

The only thing worse then self doubt is jealousy.

As an artist, in any medium, jealousy is something that will happen... someone will always do better then you... it's sucks but you cannot let it control you.
I see things that i could have potentially made got for hundreds to thousands of dollars. I could look at it and go "why not me" or.... i can ignore it and just keep trying to improve and trying to get myself out there hopefully while not being too annoying. In the end i have always felt one way about my art.

If you like it... great, thats a bonus.... but honestly i don't make this for you... i make it for myself and as long as i can look at it an smile... thats all that matters... it's pretty selfish in the end but i make art to make myself happy, to keep myself sane... possibly because it's the only thing i'm good at.If these blogs have proven anything it's that i'm not terribly good at writing.

and just like al lthe slumps before it... this slump will pass and i will hopefully go on to make more eye bleedingly adorable things.
and more sailor moon fanart cause yeah.... i'm excited.

thanks for listening to my ramble and if you are still here then thank you for putting up with my random bouts of selfishness and self promotion.