Monday, 27 August 2012

just need to write what i'm feeling somewhere... just ignore me

A quick history for those of you who are choosing to ignore the title.
In my first year of highschool i moved across the country... and ended up having to do this odd thing called middle school since this side has highschool start a year later.
anyways that was nearly 11 years ago...

Yesterday my mother posed a question, would i be upset if we moved back.
Ask me that question 10... hell 5 years ago and the answer would be an immediate "no i don't care if we move back" but this time... i hesitated.
I love my hometown, it's way prettier then the area we live in now... but now i've spent almost equal time on both sides of the country.
I'm sure it's not as great a place as i remember it being.... everything seems great when your a kid after all... plus i would be starting from scratch since the friends i had then, while they are great people, are not necessarily the friends i would have now. But it's wouldn't hurt my career at all since that's barely started and honestly i can be an artist anywhere... and i really do miss it...

I did eventually answer that i wouldn't mind... i mean... i would be sad, i love my friends out here but i'm at an age where
a) some are planning to move out there as well
b) i'll work harder at keeping in touch

in the end i guess it doesn't matter what my parents do... i'm old enough to live alone and the only reason i don't is to help out with my special needs sibling/earning money so i wont be in the poor house the second i do move out... but that opens up a new question.... would i be willing to stay here completely alone while they move back? I don't know.... probably but other then the people i enjoy spending time with theres nothing firmly holding me here.... i feel kind of..... in a place where i don't know what i would do.... i could move overseas for all i care and it would affect me about as much as moving back to my hometown. I just haven't found a place yet....

though i know leaving the friends i have here.... that would be really hard... but again nothign says they are going to stay here either... work could pull them all away....

Rawr i just don't know.... i think i'm thinking about it too much... it just just a question.... i don't think they actually plan to move back... i don't know for sure.... but i guess when the time comes i'll make up my mind then...

I guess i'm just feeling guilty for hesitating.... and then for answering that i wouldn't mind... of course i would mind.... it's just.... i'm so unsure about everything right now.... oh well doesn't matter.... i have work till feb so i will just focus on that.... *sighs*

For anyone who read this i apologize for my mopeyness... but to be fair i did say just ignore me : P

alright time to go draw something...

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