I'm not sorry (natsume time)

So... i talk about natsume's book of friends too much.
i know this...
those of you who read anything i talk about know this...
it's borderline addictive to me... i don't know how or why but it is.

Yesterday... hell earlier this morening i was gunna write a fun little piece on how my head cannons for natsume yuujinchou are way too fun.... and that 90% of my convos with one of my friends involve exploring head canons.

But then today that friend asked me a question.

"I saw a page about a yokai potentially talking about Natsume's grandfather.... know anything about that?"

i drew a blank which lead me to believe that they were probably from vol 18 which i haven't read yet... any other series i would have blamed my crap memory but natsume is different... i remember EVERYTHING in natsume... i don't know why.

So she looked into and showed me an image of the chapter in questions 2 page spread.

"I'm not ready" i mutter to myself... knowing the meeting of those characters after what happened a few volumes ago... can only mean on thing.

however if nothing else i am extremely weak to natsume.
so i readied myself and dove into vol 18.

and... now... i just....
I shouldn't be this affected by something that isn't real... i know it's silly to cry over movies or anime... but i still do.... and this makes me cry so hard and so much.
and these chapters... they were too much...
i wasn't ready.... i wouldn't have ever been ready. 
I knew the chapter had to eventually come... but not like this...
I hate him, i hate [spoiler] so much.... and i'm just a wreck.
and i wont say who or why just incase people don't read the manga... but i will say i know i'm silly for letting this get to me but it really makes me mad.
[spoiler]'s decision made me made
natsume's couter idea made me yell lots of obscenities (followed by a whole lot of crying)
i just.... i just can't even begin to process the implications... or what [spoiler]'s next move with be or what [other character] will do to either help or hurt natsume. 
I know it's silly.
i know that.
but part of my worried for natsume so much cause i see so much of myself in him.
ok not his main ability obviously but i mean.... i would have trusted the same people he trusts... and hated the same people he hates...
dealing with forgetting the painful and the realising that forgetting is still painful.
being awkward... alone... naive... trusting...
so seeing what happens to him in these later chapters... i knew the hurt he would feel when certain things were revealed...
and now that the even has gone a slightly different way then i expected... i know the hurt he will feel when his a certain thing happens cause some people are just in this for the wrong reasons.

i desperately want a season five...
please let summer 2015 have a season 5
please
i need to see this animated.... i need to hear their voices say those lines...
it will hurt... i wont be ready.... but i need others to feel the pain.
also i need to be able to talk abotu this without worrying about spoilers... cause it's like the only spoiler the show has but BOY is it a big one..




okay.... head canon times? just as some fun thought experiments.

Matoba has a journal where he writes about his encounters with natsume.

"today i meta boy named Natsume Takashi, he was really cool... he had so much power he knocked out a demon with one punch before jumping out the window.... i hope we can be friends."
"i bumped into Takashi-chan today, we played some cops and robbers... he managed to break out of the cellar a few times and after we had some tea... but he didn't seem thirsty. I think he likes his pet more then me... i need to think of a way to separate them"
"I wanted to invite takashi-chan to a costume party, i went to his house but he wasn't home so i just left the letter in the mailbox... he seemed a bit mad at me about this... probably because i forgot to put a return address... he probably didn't know how to contact me"

so on and so forth... i dunno i just like the idea of matoba trying to make friends after his first attempt is kinda thrown back in his face. also natsume only hates him cause of the influence of others... other then shoot nyanko that one time he has done nothing bad to natsume.

Head canon 2
Natsume is part yokai.
it would explain his power level being so inordinately high AND his slit eyes.
i have seen it argued that the slit eyes just denote how much spiritual power someone has but the other characters that have them are yokai, reiko and takashi.... matoba on occasion but i wouldn't be surprised if that family had some yokai in their bloodline either.
but it would explain why yokai can tell every other human as a human or exorcist but never can tell with natsume.... hell even humans sometimes wonder if he's a yokai.

head canon 3
Natsume's granfather could be madara... madara obvious has a true form he hasn't shown us and constantly claimes he is not a beast... he also obviously loved reiko a lot and is called out on it constantly.
newer chapters make this a bit more cloudy but yeah
it's still fun to think about... it would also explain the shared abilities and expressions between natsume and nyanko. (both can see into dreams or minds of things in close proximity)

i have more.... but i'm still hurting from what i read of vol 18.
i can't wait for more... even though i know more is just going to make everything hurt so much more.
please season 5.... please.